死に時, 日向
by mistressinwaiting
Summary: All is going well in the Naruto world. The war has ended, and Naruto is being named Hokage. But when a group of assassins kills off every villager, Naruto gets put into a coma for 4 years. And when he wakes up, he’s set out for revenge. BASED ON KILL BILL
1. Introduction

--All is going well in the Naruto world. The war has ended, and Naruto is being named Hokage. But when a group of assassins kills off every villager, Naruto gets put into an induced coma for four years. And when he wakes up, he's set out for revenge. ----Based off of Kill Bill---

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**Okay, here is my attempt to make a kill bill version of Naruto. Please don't flame me. I know it may not be my best work, but hopefully it's somewhat entertaining. I'm gonna make it work towards the original Naruto plot line, but I'm also going to make it go towards a fanfiction path. A lot of things won't match up with the original plot of both Naruto and Kill Bill, but hopefully you'll get it. Please enjoy!**

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_"Revenge is a dish best served cold."_

1. Introduction

All was quiet throughout Konoha—a first for the ninja-village… Why, even a stranger when he walked into the village could tell that it was bizarre, much more weirder than weird. In fact, today was the day that the new Hokage be crowned, so . . . where were the people?

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

The only thing that could be heard throughout the whole Hokage residence was the hard breathing of a yellow-haired boy covered in his own blood. Oh, how much his injuries pained him… He felt like dying, and he would've too if he hadn't seen the assassins kill off almost every one of his closest friends and some of his closest friends _were_ part of the assassin group.

. . .

Wait, hold on… What was that?

. . .

Footsteps… Someone was walking towards him, and, the next thing Naruto knew, a soft surface touched his head.

"Do you find me sadistic?" a deep voice said as a pink-haired kunoichi wiped off the sweat coming off of the blood-bathed boy. "Well . . . I'll bet I could fry an egg on your head right now if I wanted to…"

"No, Hanyou…" the voice continued as one of his accomplices grabbed Sakura and pulled her aside.

The kunoichi kicked and screamed, trying to free herself from her captor's grasp, but he knocked her out a few minutes later and placed her next to the blue-haired girl, laying on the floor.

Naruto saw red then. How dare they do that to his teammate! How dare they! Even if she did be-- His thoughts were cut off, and he only reverted his gaze back at the speaker when the voice started speaking again.

"I'd like to believe you're aware enough, even now . . . to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions . . . maybe towards those . . . other _jokers_ but not you. No, Hanyou, at this moment . . ."—the speaker clicked his tongue—"this is me . . . at my most"—_Click!_ There was the sound of a gun being loaded—"masochistic."

"Hyuga… Hinata's--" But Naruto's words were cut off when…

_BANG!_

The gun went off, and the bullet entered his skull.

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**OMG! Will Naruto live or die!? Well, actually, you all know the answer to that question, but will Sakura and Hinata live!? Oh, the suspense! Well, the next chapter probably won't be coming up for a really long time, so . . . hopefully you all can wait… Oh, and by the way: hanyou = half-demon; plus, the whole story is called "Shinidoki Hyuga" which means "Time to Die, Hyuga." Yeah, I couldn't make it rhyme. Sorry. Oh, and I added in the Sakura part just to make this thing longer. Plus, what is Naruto (the anime) without _Sakura_? Please review!**

**Oh, and let's see if you guys can guess who I got for the Deadly Vipers!**


	2. The Blood Spattered Boy

--All is going well in the Naruto world. The war has ended, and Naruto is being named Hokage. But when a group of assassins kills off every villager, Naruto gets put into an induced coma for four years. And when he wakes up, he's set out for revenge. ----Based off of Kill Bill---

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**Yay! Chapter two's up! And here's my play-by-play, instead of making it like the movie, I'm going to make everything go chronologically. That way, it's easier to understand. Also, remember the stranger-thingy in the first paragraph of the last chapter? Yeah, that was Kankuro. He was supposed to be Suna's representative who was going to attend Naruto's coronation. But with the massacre, yeah… That couldn't happen, so he called a team of Suna experts and ANBU to the scene. Enjoy!**

**Also, if something is _bold and italiacs _then it's Naruto's narration of things.**

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2. The Blood-Spattered Boy

"Well, give me the details." the jonin-level Suna kunoichi said to her brother.

"It's a goddamn massacre," the puppet master said. "The assassins got _everyone_ from villager folk to the rich and spoiled to the shinobi."

"Give me the figure."

"All of the villagers… _Everyone_ is dead."

"_All of them_?"

"Well . . . _some_ of the shinobi are unaccounted for, but they're probably in hiding or they're pursuing the killers at this moment. Most likely hiding."

"_Hiding_?" Temari asked, out of disbelief.

"Well, yeah… Whoever did this must be awfully powerful to take out the whole village in less than a day. The attack was quick, and it came as quite a surprise."

The kunoichi heaved a sigh and followed her brother into the Hokage mansion, the place where most of their friends' bodies laid.

"Looks like somebody didn't like the fact that Naruto was going to become Hokage." Kankuro said, trying to lightening up the mood.

"_Or_ . . ." Temari said, breaking it again, "They didn't want him marrying the Hyuga heir."

"_What_?"

"Tell me, Kankuro. Did you find _any_ of Hyuga clan members' bodies? The ones from the _main_ family?"

"No, just Neji's and a few of the branch members."

"There's more to this than just a regular and random massacre. This was _planned_." the kunoichi said, walking around the crime scene. "Hinata's father, Hyuga Hiashi, opposed the union between Hinata and Naruto—in fact, he _hated_ it. He was angered, definitely angered, because the wedding was to be out of wedlock. Now . . . who would _want_ their daughter to marry the guy who screwed her?"

"_Whoa_..!" Kankuro gasped. "Are you saying that Hinata was _pregnant_?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Cuz I didn't _know_!" Kankuro answered but, seeing his older sister's serious expression, he quickly added, "But . . . you _may_ be on to something. We didn't find _any_ of Hinata's immediate family members nor did we find her body. Her father's probably the one behind all of this."

"Not only that, but he probably had help, too." the girl said, examining the scene."Whoever did this . . . they weren't amateurs. You can tell by the cleanliness of the crime. [They're] probably Orochimaru's subordinates or at least they trained under him. This may have been all out of revenge. They also probably had inside help."

"_Whoa_! Slow down!" Kankuro said. "So . . . you're saying . . . that _Hyuga Hiashi_ could be a part of this . . . but, at the same time . . . he may _not_ be? And that some of Orochimaru's old students . . . _killed_ . . . _all_ of Konoha . . . maybe for _revenge_? And that . . . there could _also_ be . . . _traitors_ involved with _this_?"

"Yes." Temari answered without hesitation. "Whoever did this didn't set off _any_ of the traps hiding within this building, and most of the traps were disabled. If I had to take a guess, it was probably someone high up in ranks . . . or at least close enough to the politicians to get the blueprints of this building."

Kankuro nodded his head, understandingly. He knew his sister was _never_ far off from the right answer but, given the little evidence, she _could've_ been wrong. However, he knew his sister was never _completely_ wrong, but . . . he wanted to _believe_ that his friends didn't suffer in their last moments especially not out of heartbreak.

"I can't believe this happened…" Temari cried to herself. "Gaara's going to be _immensely_ pissed off…" Suddenly, her cries cut off as a new plot came into her mind. "Wait a minute… Did you find _Sakura_ and _Sasuke's_ bodies?" she shot that question at her brother.

Kankuro staggered a bit. He didn't expect that question. "No-No-Nope, figured they just went after Naruto's killer. After all, the Uchiha _is_ an avenger. Sakura probably just followed him."

"No…" Temari said, looking over the whole crime scene again. She pointed to a spot where there was no blood at all, and an outline of a human body could be seen. "You see _that_? Someone was laying there, probably unconscious. It could've _either_ been Hinata or Sakura—probably both since there's a huge smudge next to it. Hiashi wouldn't kill his daughter let alone the heir to his clan. And if I know Sasuke from what Sakura told me, he probably knocked her out and placed her on the floor while he dealt with Naruto."

"_Wait_… You think the _Uchiha_ had something to do with _this_? That _he_ did all of this?"

"Yes . . . but not by himself. His team, Hebi, most certainly helped him . . . probably along with Madara while Hinata's father gave the orders."

"You really think that?"

"Hm… Well, judging from the crime itself, I'd say that it _was_ planned ahead of time… Maybe even since _before_ the Uchiha returned to Konoha…"

"_Bastard_… I knew he couldn't be trusted…"

"There's no way to be sure." Temari said. "Maybe he's innocent, just as we had thought."

"Innocent my ass," Kankuro muttered.

Temari was quiet for a while but then, in a meek voice, she asked, "What do you think happened to Sakura?"

Kankuro didn't know how to answer her. Sakura was, after all, one of Temari's closest friends. He didn't want his sister to be hurt, but he gave her his true thoughts. "If Sasuke knocked her out like you think, she's probably still alive—possibly in critical condition. Should we get a team out to search for her?"

". . . I want to say _yes_, but . . . there's no certainty that Sakura had no part in this either. For all we know, _she_ could've been the traitor—the one who disabled the traps within this building. She _was_, after all, the Hokage's apprentice. She knows how Konoha is laid out. And if she _did_ disable the traps and helped the assassins get into the village, she's as liable and as guilty as those who planned this."

"So . . . no to the search party?"

"We'll get Gaara to decide on that…"

"Yeah…" His reply trailed off as he noticed something was strange about Naruto's body. He bent down and placed his finger right under the blonde's nose.

"What's wrong?" Temari asked.

"I think . . . I think Naruto's still _alive_!"

"What!?"

The puppet master placed two fingers at the base of Naruto's neck and nodded."Yep, he's still alive! Medic! Someone get a medic in here! Medic!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Hours later, in Suna hospital, the only sounds heard were high-heel shoes clicking against the cold floor and a woman, dressed up as a nurse, whistling. She carried a tray. On it were a needle and some kind of black ooze. And as she looked down at Naruto, the intent of _murder_ was in her eyes.

**_Yeah, this lady who's dressed as a nurse… Yeah, she's not _really_ a nurse. In fact, quite the opposite actually . . . she's out on an errand . . . an errand to _kill_ me. Her name? Guren. She used to be the female leader of Orochimaru's subordinates. And she uses the unique Crystal Release brand of jutsu, so it's not surprising that her codename's Crystal Crimson Lotus. But for a flower, she's a _nasty_ little piece of work._**

"I might have _never_ liked you…" Guren said. "Quite in fact, I _despise_ you—I despise _anyone_ who my lovers hate—but that shouldn't suggest I don't _respect_ you." She took the needle off of its tray and stuck the black ooze into it.

"Dying in our sleep . . ." she continued, "is a luxury that our kind has _rarely_ afforded. My _gift_ . . . to you…" She stuck the needle into one of the tubes that connected to Naruto's arm, into his bloodstream. But just as she was about to inject him with the poison, a man came in and stopped her.

Rolling her eyes, she greeted the nuisance. "_Hello_, Kabuto."

"Hiashi-dono wants to know his condition." the silver-haired man said.

"_Comatose_, as you can _plainly_ see, in Suna hospital."

He didn't say anything to that. "_Wonderful_ work sneaking in here but, as _wonderful_ as it may be," he said, "Hiashi-dono wants you to abort the mission."

"_WHAT_!?!"

"It was Hinata-san's words that got him convinced. I believe his message to you is '_We owe him better than that, so abort the mission._'"

"OH NO, WE DON'T OWE HIM _SHIT_!!"

"When you keep your voice down--"

"We don't owe him _shit_!" Guren repeated, this time in a whisper.

"May I say _one_ thing?" Kabuto asked.

"Speak."

"You and Team Hebi beat the heck out of this boy, but you didn't _kill_ him. And Hiashi-dono put a bullet through his head, but his heart just kept on beating. Now, you saw that yourself with your own two eyes. But you know _what_? We've done a lot of things to this boy and, if he _ever_ wakes up, we'll do a _whole lot_ more. But one thing we _won't_ do and the one thing that Hiashi-dono will _never_ consider again is sneaking into his room . . . in the dead of night . . . like a filthy rat . . . and killing him in his sleep. And the reason we _won't_ do that thing, Hiashi-dono said, is because that thing . . . would lower us. Don't you agree Miss. Lotus?"

" . . . I guess…"

"Do you really have to guess?"

Guren sighed, throwing back her head in exasperation."No… I don't really have to guess… I know."

"Then it's time to go back home."

"Affirmative."

And the white-haired man left . . . out the way that he came in—through the window.

"_Fucking asshole_…" Guren muttered as she walked over to the Kyuubi-container. "Thought that was _fucking funny_, didn't you?" She glared at the boy. "Word of advice, shithead: don't you _ever_ wake up."

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**Yeah, I'm done, but I guess that means that the next chapter will come out later... Oh well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review!**


	3. Four Years Later

--All is going well in the Naruto world. The war has ended, and Naruto is being named Hokage. But when a group of assassins kills off every villager, Naruto gets put into an induced coma for four years. And when he wakes up, he's set out for revenge. ----Based off of Kill Bill---

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**Yay! Chapter three's up! Sorry it took forever for me to get it up, but me gots three other fanfictions to do, and this is one isn't exactly my favorite yet, so . . . yeah, I don't really work on this one too much, but anyway, please enjoy!**

**In this chapter, you'll see some major SasuSaku pairing, but the main couple is supposed to be NaruHina, so I'll probably change the category soon.**

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3. Four Years Later…

For four years, the Konoha massacre crime went unsolved. For four years, the perpetrators stayed out of the justice system's way. For four years, they stayed free. For four years, their crime went unpunished. And for four years, Naruto stayed asleep until…

"You're going to watch him, Kankuro?"

"Yeah, might as well. It'll give me some piece of mind."

"But we're supposed to accompany Gaara--"

"It's only for my lunch break, okay?"

"Well . . . fine but, if Gaara asks, it's because you got down on your knees and _begged_ me to say yes."

"Thanks, Temari."

And so, Kankuro pulled up a chair and sat by the side of Naruto's hospital bed. Just waiting . . . and waiting . . . and waiting for the unexpected. Nothing happened.

"Oh, forget this _crap_." The puppet master searched through his backpack and took out a container of instant ramen. "I might as well eat during my lunch break." He ripped off the cover and poured in the steaming water. The mouth-watering smell went up his nose and, apparently, it went up Naruto's, too, because all was quiet and then…

"RRRAAAMMMEEENNN!!!!!!!!!!"

Naruto's body propped up, scaring the Hell out of Kankuro, and he grabbed the container of ramen, chowing down the whole thing.

"You're . . ." Kankuro had jumped to his feet, the words just came out of his mouth. "You're _alive_!? And _awake_!?"

"Yeah," Naruto said, his mouth full of ramen. "_Why_?"

"Well . . . you . . . bullet . . . in . . . head. What--How . . . you . . . did _survive_?"

"Survive _what_?"

"The bullet to your head!"

"I was shot in the _head_?"

"Yeah, you . . . shot in head!" Kankuro exclaimed, still unable to use correct sentences. "When I . . . there, everything . . . _bloody_-red! And you . . . everyone . . . except you . . . _dead_!"

"_What_?" Naruto asked, unable to understand a single thing coming out of the Suna shinobi's mouth.

"I . . . you . . ." Kankuro groaned. "Wait a minute… I go . . . get Temari and Gaara. Back in a jiffy." And so he was off.

When he returned, Temari and Gaara were with him.

"Uzumaki Naruto… So, Kankuro _was_ right… You're awake…" Gaara said, his voice full of relief.

"Um . . . yeah, why _wouldn't_ I be? I mean, I have to be _awake_ to be named Hokage, right? And . . . why am I doing in Suna anyway? Shouldn't I be in Konoha?"

The Sand Siblings looked at each other, trying to decide whether or not to break the news to the Kyuubi-container.

"_What_?" Naruto asked, eyeing the Suna shinobi suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Um . . . Naruto, do you remember what happened before you . . . uh,"—Temari searched for the right word—"before you . . . went to sleep?"

"Um . . ." Naruto tried his best. "It's a bit foggy… I'm not really sure, but--"

_"Hyuga… Hinata's--"_

BANG!

_The gun went off, and the bullet entered his skull._

"Hyuga Hiashi…" Naruto snarled out the name. "He was the one… _He_ did this to me…"

The Sand Siblings' eyes immediately widened at that.

"Are you _sure_?" Temari asked.

"_Yes_, goddamn it!! _Yes_! I'm a hundred-percent sure…" Naruto snapped. "It was _him_… He, Madara, and Team Hebi…"

"Sasuke, too?" Kankuro asked.

"Yes… _Him_, too…"

Kankuro's eyes shifted towards Temari, clearly gloating, "I told you so, I told you so!"

Naruto's grip tightened on his blanket. "I can't believe this… How could this have happened?" He looked back up at the Suna shinobi. "How _long_ was I out?"

"Long _enough_…" Kankuro said.

"_How_ long?"

The Sand Siblings were hesitant, but Gaara answered. "_Four_ years… Four _long_ years…"

Naruto was in disbelief. How could he have been asleep for _four years_!? There was just _no way_! As he sunk into the hospital bed, he realized something. "What happened to the rest of the village then?"

". . . Massacred," Gaara answered.

"Tsunade? Shizune? Kakashi-sensei? And _all_ of Konoha 11?"

"We don't know." Temari answered. "We never found their bodies except for Neji's."

"So . . . you haven't heard from _any_ of them?" Naruto asked, hoping for the best.

"No…" Kankuro sighed. "Well, we kept in contact with Tsunade, but the rest of them haven't kept _direct_ contact with us."

"'_Direct contact_'?" Naruto asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"We hear about Hinata every once in a while from the other Suna Shinobi whenever they go scouting." Temari explained. "The Hyuga clan is one of the largest surviving clan of what's left of Konoha, so we have tried to maintain contact with them and the other surviving clans."

"And Sakura--"

But Temari nudged Kankuro hard, making him hold his tongue.

"What about Sakura?"

The Sand Siblings looked at each other, glaring at Kankuro for letting his tongue slip.

"Hey, I'm _talking_ to you three!" Naruto snapped. "WHAT HAPPENED TO _SAKURA_!?!"

"Uzumaki, please calm down." Gaara pleaded with the hyperactive ninja.

"_Fine_…" Naruto crossed his arms.

"Naruto, we'll tell you everything you want to know. Just . . . don't get mad at us, okay?"

"What . . . what do you mean?" Naruto asked, a bit confused. "What happened to Sakura?"

But the Sand Siblings were still a little bit doubtful and hesitant for they knew Naruto would throw a fit if he knew what became of the pink-haired teammate he once held close.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

As the used-to-be kunoichi walked out of the shower, with only a towel and her undergarments on, she scanned the room—the messy room. She shook her head. "He can keep his _clothes_ from being a bloody mess when he _kills_ someone, but he can't even keep his own _room_ clean." she muttered to herself. "What am I going to do with him..?"

She went into the closet, pulled out a shirt, put it on, and started tidying up. After an hour, she still wasn't done. In fact, she still had over half the room to clean. "Ugh, I swear I'll _kill_ him when he comes home…"

After about a half an hour—or maybe, just after ten long minutes—the girl gave up. She took out her cell phone, sat on her bed, and starting texting. **How is it that you can keep _yourself_ from being a _bloody mess_ when you go and _murder_ someone but you can't keep your _room_ from looking like a _tornado_ had gone through it? I swear, if you don't come home with your whole entire outfit _covered_ _in_ _blood_, I'll kill you myself! The Akatsuki, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Madara combined are going to look completely tamed and polite compared to what's going to be waiting for you at home!**

After she pressed the "_send_" button, the pink-haired girl fell back onto the bed, giving into her tiredness immediately. Then, after what only seemed like seconds, she woke up—still groggy but alert . . . in some ways. She knew it wasn't morning yet since it was still dark, and so she closed her eyes, expecting to go back to sleep. But a cold hand combed back her hair. She snuggled closer to him.

"And here I thought I was going to be met with the wrath that would put the Akatsuki, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Madara to shame…"

"Bastard . . . give me a minute to work up to it," Sakura teased.

"Whatever you prefer…"

"Welcome home," she said while his cold lips pressed under her jaw. "You're a bit late, but I'm glad you came back…"

"So am I… But . . . not to bring on the ire prematurely . . . do you mind telling me what it is about wearing your own clothes that you object to?"

"Your clothes are a bit more comfy than the ones you have Karin buy for me…" the kunoichi said. "Honestly, I don't understand why you appointed her the job of making sure I stayed _in_ the house and had _everything_ I need."

But the ebony-haired shinobi ignored that last comment. "You know you should wear your own clothes…"

"Uchiha Sasuke, are you _prohibiting_ me from doing something I actually _like_ to do?"

"No, I'm just saying that"—his hand moved down her back—"you need to be more careful"—he caressed her thighs—"or someone can easily take advantage of you." And suddenly, his hand went up her sides, under the shirt she wore, groping her.

She gasped. "Uchiha, you _better_ get your hand out of there." Though she may have been saying that, her fingers twisted in his hair. "Or I'll--"

She was cut off when he pressed his lips to hers.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"_What_? What do you mean by that?"

"Well . . ." Kankuro said. "Sakura . . . became Sasuke's _bitch_."

"_Excuse me_!?!" Naruto asked. At the same time, Temari screeched, "WORD IT BETTER!!!!!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Do you miss it?"

"Hm?"

"Konoha, your friends…"

"Well, I meet Ino, Shizune, and Tsunade on a weekly basis. And I see Tenten at least once a month; her daughter, too. And I see Hinata at least a few times in a year, so . . . I think it's _no_. I'm happy with the life I lead now, but . . . it wouldn't hurt if I could get out more often."

"I let you go to that bar just to meet those two dominatrixes and your old mentor, don't I?"

"Yes, but that's still only _once_ a week…"

"I'll think about it."

"Arigato, Sasuke-kun." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh, by the way, Juugo told me that . . . while he was scouting around Suna, he heard that the dobe woke up."

Sakura immediately tensed after that. "He _did_?"

"You don't seem to be as happy as I thought you'd be."

"Well, of course _not_. If he's _anything_ like _you_, he'll go _crazy_ with revenge. Hopefully, he'll just take out his anger on Hiashi, but . . . what if he goes after _everyone_ who was involved? Your whole team? You and me? And Tenten? God, if he goes after Tenten, what would happen to Tellu—what would happen to that poor, little _child_?"

"You don't have to worry. Tenten can take care of herself, you know, and she won't allow herself to get killed."

"But Naruto--"

"Let's just hope the dobe's more reasonable than we think, okay?"

"But--"

Before the conversation dragged on any longer, his lips silenced hers.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

As Naruto laid on his hospital bed, listening to the Sand Siblings' discussion, he could see the faces of the shinobi who ruined his life and the ones who were responsible: Team Hebi, Uchiha Madara, Haruno Sakura, Tenten, and Hyuga Hiashi.

**_When fortune smiles upon something as vile and violent as revenge, it seems proof like no other that, not only does God exist, you're doing his will._**

At the time when Naruto knew the least about his enemies, the first name on his death-list was the easiest to find: Uchiha Sasuke. But, of course, when one manages the difficult task of becoming _king_ of the shinobi underworld, one doesn't keep it a secret, does one?

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**So what do you guys think so far? Please review! PLEASE!!**


	4. Student and Teacher

--All is going well in the Naruto world. The war has ended, and Naruto is being named Hokage. But when a group of assassins kills off every villager, Naruto gets put into an induced coma for four years. And when he wakes up, he's set out for revenge. ----Based off of Kill Bill---

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**Yay! Chapter four's up, and this story's _off_ of hiatus! Hip-hooray! I thank the two who reviewed my story so far: Mermaid Ninja and MidnightCherryBlossomCat. And also, I have decided that since you all know the story of the Uchiha massacre, me ain't going to type it up because it's just going to be a waste of my time and your time, and I'm just going to cut to after the stinking flashbacks, okay? Please enjoy and _PLEASE_ REVIEW!**

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4. Student and Teacher

As the hooded figure strolled into the restaurant, the silver-haired sushi chef turned around; his mask covered most of his face, so it was hard to tell if he was smiling or not. "Welcome!" he said, happily, as he began to prepare a seat at the counter for his guest.

As the guest sat down, Kakashi chuckled as he prepared the dish.

"So . . . you like to cover your face? I do, too, as you can tell, but I haven't told anyone my reason for wearing it yet. Have you?"

There came no answer.

"Ah, I see you don't like to talk." Kakashi chuckled again as he handed the customer his dish. "You remind me of one of my students. Of course, he talks a bit more now, thanks to his wife and all, but still…"

The used-to-be jonin stopped in mid-sentence and cursed under his breath. He furiously stabbed his knife into the counter and yelled, "HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TEA!?! HURRY UP, DAMMIT!!"

He took out his knife then and, still furious, began to clean it off with a cloth.

In the background, we can see a brown-haired man coming out of the back lazily. He yawned and walked over to the hooded figure.

"What do you want?" he asked in the rudest monotone voice ever.

"Use a nicer tone," Kakashi commanded.

"Oh, it's fine." the customer said. Then he gave Yamato his order. "A bottle of warm sake, please."

At the sound of that, Kakashi stopped what he was doing. "_Warm sake_?" he asked. Then he started to laugh. "_Very_ good!"

"Are you _sure_?" Yamato asked the customer. "We charge _very_ high for just _one_ bottle during the day . . . especially at noon."

His senior slammed his hand down onto the counter. "Day, night, noon, who gives a damn!?" Kakashi asked. "Just get our guest the sake!"

"How come _I_ always have to get the sake!?" Yamato yelled, stomping over to the other used-to-be Konoha jonin. "You listen well! For _four_ years, _you_ made the fish, and _I _got the sake! If this were still Konoha, I'd be ANBU!"

Kakashi laughed. "So . . . _you'd_ be ANBU?" he asked. And within a blink of the eye, he grabbed Yamato's wrist and twisted it, causing the brown-haired man to wince. "Even if you _were_ ANBU, I'd _still_ be your senior, and you'd _still_ get the sake! So shut up and get the sake! Do you _understand_?"

Yamato sulked then he said to the hooded man, "We sell mostly warm sake, but we are not very rich because we have to buy most of our sake from an expensive rip-off artist, and the two who drink it all up don't pay for our services. Do you _understand_?"

Suddenly, the sushi knife went flying towards Yamato's head. But luckily, he dodged it and retreated to the back to get the sake.

"Please disregard anything he said," Kakashi said to the customer. "He doesn't know anything. He's just a lackey, nothing more."

"Oh, don't worry. I can understand where he's coming from…" the man said. "It must be hard . . . dealing with _both_ Sakura and Tsunade's tempers."

Kakashi nodded his head, cleaning his knife. "Yes, yes, but, while Tsunade's may still be as bad, Sakura's not--"—he froze then, realizing what the stranger had said. He stared at the stranger's cerulean eyes. Then he went back to cleaning his knife. "What brings you here, stranger?"

"I came . . . to find certain people."

"_Oh_? Really?" Kakashi asked, his eyebrow rose. "_Who_?"

"Well . . . it's a long list."

"Well . . . I'm not charging you for how long you sit and talk with me. You can stay all day if you want."

"Very curious, aren't you?"

"Yes… There isn't much for me to do nowadays, so I just sit and listen to a traveler's story . . . every time I _get_ a customer. So . . . those certain people?"

"I don't know if I should tell you."

"Don't worry," Kakashi chuckled. "I can keep secrets but, if you really don't trust me, just tell me the first name on your list. Come on, relive an old man of his stress."

The guest was hesitant at first, but then he answer. ". . . Hatake Kakashi."

The silver-haired used-to-be jonin stopped what he was doing and looked up at his customer. "And . . . what do you want from Hatake Kakashi?"

"A serious talking to…" Then the guest started eating his meal. "Mh… This is good." he said. "But not as good as Ichiraku's ramen, that's for sure."

Kakashi's eyes, though not noticeable, widened. "Who _are_ you?"

The figure smiled under his hood. And as he took it off, he gave his famous _'Believe it' _stance. "Been a long time, hasn't it, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi's eyes really widened now. "Na-_Naruto_!?!"

"In the flesh!"

"But . . . but . . . I thought . . . you . . . and bullet . . . in your head . . . you _dead_!"

"Yeah, but that's what Kankuro thought too, but here I am!"

Kakashi didn't know what else to say. Here his student was—the student who he thought _dead_ was standing in front of him, still _alive_. "Whoa…" was the word that went through his mind before remembering what Naruto wanted with him. "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about? It better not be about how much you miss Ichiraku's ramen."

"Kakashi-sensei,"—Naruto's face suddenly fell grave—"I told you I wanted to talk to you seriously."

Kakashi stifled a chuckle. How was it possible for the knucklehead to actually _learn_ how to be serious and actually mean it? "Wow… You must have a _big_ rat to kill if you're _this_ serious."

"_Huge_," Naruto said, confirming Kakashi's fears. "And a lot of 'em."

* * *

**Ooh, what's going to happen _now_? [insert dramatic music]**

**And remember you guys: review!**


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